Here Come the Holidays: Avoiding Burnout and Harness the Power of No

Nataliya Vatekevich

As the holidays approach, Gallup-Certified CliftonStrength’s Coach Julia De’Caneva suggests avoiding burnout by keeping it simple and practicing mindfulness.

Working from home invites the need for a strong practice in diligence and self-restraint. With the lure of much-awaited social gatherings and impending holiday festivities dangling enticingly in front of us, it’s become all too clear how rusty we’ve become at scheduling our time and sticking with the self-care rituals we prided ourselves on having put into place over the last year. The truth is that maybe, when we look closer, we might not be quite as good at balance as we thought.

But don’t beat yourself up. After all, the human brain is impossibly bad at estimating how long something will take. Think about your reluctance to do a simple task, like making the bed because in your mind you think it will take forever. Now get up and go do it. Seriously, go make the bed. Put the timer on when you start. How long did that take you? Five minutes? Ten? Certainly not the “hours” you envisioned. Couple that with the ever-present pressure to do more, have more, be more and no wonder we feel like we never have enough time. We feel burned out before we even begin. That chronically over-scheduled life that we thought we left behind in 2020 has caught up to us in no time. Certainly, when we spend a majority of our time doing things out of obligation, pressure, and stress, the final outcome rarely feels satisfying. And too many times, even when something does feel like a success, we’re too busy to stop and savor it. We’re already on to the next thing.

So how do we stop ourselves from igniting the fire of burnout? You slow down. You use the power of “no,” putting a halt to the number of things you say “yes” to. You get clear on the things that renew your spirit instead of the ones that deplete you. And you practice being mindful.

It’s that last one that can be tricky. Mindfulness is bringing a quality attention to the present moment with an openness and curiosity for what is. It’s the practice of noticing what’s happening right now. While you won’t ever completely silence your judgements, the more you practice, the more you’ll be able to ignore them. But it’s nearly impossible to listen to your inner voice when you’re not stopping to tune in. And you do have to tune in and listen. Like Cindy Lou Who in “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”, you might not notice it under the cacophony of your loud Mr. Grinch “yes” — to one more project, one more meeting, one more dinner date, another drink — born of worrying about future scarcity and concern about other people’s judgements.

And, despite when your mind imagines a long drawn out process that will take “forEVAH,” like that bed exercise I had you do, mindfulness doesn’t take more than a few seconds. Start right now, as you’re reading this, by noticing what resonates — and what doesn’t. Today it might take some effort — you won’t do it all the time, you’ll forget, you’ll say yes to something you meant to say no to — but tomorrow it will get easier. And even easier the day after that. This is why they call it a practice. Eventually, as you exercise this tool every day, it will extend into all parts of your life, allowing you to make decisions from a place of true intention, from what your heart truly desires instead of being buffeted around by the winds of what other people think. It’s in this space that you create habits and patterns that build up your well-being rather than tear it down. You pay attention to that feeling of wanting to stay in for a quiet night at home rather than head out for drinks. You realize how much you enjoy your morning walks and how much better your day goes when you make time for them before diving into work for the day. You learn that a late night plus too much caffeine the next morning to make up for it, doesn’t feel good to you.

Keep it simple. Notice when you slip up and your self-care starts to, once again, take a back seat to your true intentions. And it will happen. Being human means making mistakes. It’s what you do when that happens that makes all the difference. Instead of berating yourself, acknowledge it and then course-correct: take a deep breath, pull back into yourself, cancel that appointment, adjust your deadlines and expectations, and come back to simplicity. The path away from burnout starts with a single breath. The answer is within and you’ll be in a much better place to celebrate over the next few months if you listen to yourself.

Julia de'Caneva is a Life Coach for Cancer Survivors + Burned Out Women, Mindfulness + Meditation Facilitator, and Gallup-Certified CliftonStrengths Coach. Learn more about Julia here.