In February, Vow to Love Yourself
Gallup-Certified CliftonStrengths Coach Julia de’Caneva demystifies the rituals and reasons for self-care and promotes the practice of self-love.
The term “self-care” can feel hokey and indulgent. Most of that ickiness stems from the fact that we’re all blissfully unaware of how to genuinely keep ourselves mentally healthy. In our achievement-driven society, it’s hard to admit when you’re bad at something. Especially when that something is literally your own self. Hokey usually indicates something is unfamiliar or uncomfortable. But think about how cringe-inducing it is to witness someone who has completely neglected their entire well-being for the sake of work. Now consider its opposite: someone who ends their day at a reasonable hour to embark on a nighttime routine that makes them feel relaxed and cared for. Following that envy, we discover a path towards enlightenment.
Though it often carries a distinctly feminine sheen, self-care is for all humans. The fact is, if you have a body, you need to create a practice that cares for said body. It’s not just about baths and face masks. It’s about every facet that constitutes its physical, mental and spiritual well-being. It’s about deciding to cook for yourself more often, remembering to put lotion on your skin after a shower and setting an alarm that reminds you to put down your screens an hour before bed. It’s about refraining from scheduling back-to-back meetings because you remember how that drains you. It’s about not agreeing to shoulder that project you really don’t want to work on even if it pays more. It’s about not answering the phone when it rings during the fifteen minutes you put aside to meditate.
Self-care is about treating your mind and your body with kindness and respect. It’s about getting out of the habit of burn-out and understanding that rest is far more productive than work. It’s also about realizing that care is the antidote to burn-out. Self-care is being aware of your own destructive habits and then actually putting in the time and effort to course-correct.
The secret sauce to your own self-care? Being mindful. Mindfulness has become a buzzword lately for good reason: it works. While it has many definitions, generally speaking it is the act of bringing a quality of attention to the present moment, with an open curiosity and non-judgmental attitude towards what arises. Mindfulness isn’t about clearing your mind or spending all day off in dream land, it’s about noticing the sensations in your body. This practice of noticing will train your attention to stay more present, instead of running off with the gut-clenching what-ifs of the unknown future.
When you are paying attention to the present moment, you start to realize how your mind and body are feeling as the day ebbs and flows. You start to realize that your 2pm chip craving is actually a combination of not feeling satisfied from a lunch eaten in front of a screen and feeling sleepy, as humans naturally feel mid-afternoon. You start to notice that you skip flossing your teeth at night because you rely on going to bed only once you feel you could fall asleep any moment or when you drop your phone mid-scroll. You start to notice that on the days you drink water first thing, you feel more alert and more engaged. There’s nothing feminine or high-maintenance about going to bed on time, taking naps, eating in a way that supports your body, or keeping up with your dental hygiene. These are small things that payoff in increased energy and happiness.
So embrace the hokey-ness and lean into doing the things that make you feel like your best self. Your homework for February is to make a point of being aware of how you feel throughout the day. So many of us power through our to-do lists without a second thought about our own well-being. Notice when you feel sleepy, when you’re pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth, or simply notice your feet on the floor. When this awareness becomes a habit, you can’t help but incorporate more ways to feel your best, because you’ll actually notice the difference.